Yikes!

Having fun in NYC, but by that I mean, having fun working.  I am so swamped I feel I will never get around to doing my France and Italy blog and now I have another Foreigner (the rock group) blog to do. LOTS going on. Penthouse Forum are so on the ball compared to the last news paper I wrote for here in NYC. They pay promptly, answer my emails promptly (and politely) and even sent me a dozen copies of the May 2008 issue that I am on the cover of. I opened it and found the BEST intro ever. My column feels at home. Love it! I scanned it in:

I massaged Kim Raver ( of the shows "24" and "Lipstick Jungle") again tonight- non stop massage for three hours. Wonderful lady. She can take as much pain as I can during a massage. Extreme deep tissue the whole time. Tough woman I tell ya. Funny how the women seem to be able to take more pain/pressure during the massage than men (apart from Harry Connick Junior who seems to be made of steel). My fingers are actually aching as I type this, THAT'S how strong the pressure was. Going to sleep it off

x 

Feel free to ask me anything. I always change the names, so no need to be shy..




Q.
I am dating a guy, since 3 weeks now and he keeps talking about his ex.
He has shown me many pictures of her, some nude ones as well, and she is
 fucking gorgeous and it makes me feel inadequate. Now that I think back,
 most of the men I have dated have pulled this shit. I am always polite and give compliments,but inside I
want to (a) rip up the cunts picture (b) knee the guy in the balls for showing it to me.
 How can I  stop such ignorant behavior without coming across as insecure or bitchy?
Sick of it all Sally

A.
It’s ridiculously easy to get pictures of giant cocks online. Craigslist is
 famous for having people post nude pic’s of themselves. Find a picture of
the biggest cock you can find, hell, most guys who have monster cocks are
happy to send them to any curious female  (or male for that matter). Print it out (or save it on your computer) and
 when a guy shows you pictures of his hot ex girlfriend, show him the monster cock and say
“well, this is the only picture I saved of Dan” (< insert any name). That will shut him the fuck up.



Q.
 
I totally love my wife, but the sex is FAILING...she'll let me do whatever I want,
most whenever I want, but she does nothing in return.  NOTHING.  It's miserable.
Like spankin' the monkey.  We're both working hard and have a busy family. 
What should I do?  Is there no way out? Does this mean it’s time for an affair?
Divorce?
Fucking the Boring Golden Cage

^ Help her live out her fantasies 

A.
On one hand, you have it better than most guys; at least she lets you "do
whatever you want, when ever you want", which is more than most married men get.
 But it is no fun having a passive partner. Mix things up a bit, hire a baby
sitter and bring her to a hotel, bring her lingerie shopping and fuck in the
 dressing room.  Ask her what would turn her on? It's a popular, but sad dilemma.
 The old challenge was to get the girl, now it’s keep her hot and horny. Massage,
 wine, hotels, porn, vacations, you really have to work at it to keep your busy
wife in the mood to be your sexy bitch under the sheets.

Q.
My name is Michelle and I am 12 years old.  I am not really sure what I am.  I
love men, but I think more about women sex, and all that shit.  I guess I wish
I had a boyfriend at school, but when I come home, (and at school sometimes) I
am all about women, and masturbating.  I was wondering if you could help me
with two things (by the way my parents don't know and I would like to keep it
that way)
1. What am I?  Lesbian, Bisexual, Bi-curious, Straight?
2. How can I make myself cum without my parents finding out?
I masturbate when I am in bed, on the toilet and in the shower.
Please help me figure this out, I feel I am a grown up woman in a little girl’s
body, I am ready to explore and want to be ready for when IT first happens.
Please don’t patronize me because of my age; I am very mature in every way.
Lolita

 
A.
Part of being 12 years old is discovering who and what you are, which
could change several times in your lifetime.
There is no need to label yourself, just do what you like and what feels
natural. Most young girls feel more comfortable experimenting with other
young girls as their bodies are so similar and it feels safe and comfortable.
It could be you end up a lesbian or it could be that you get bored of girls
and yearn for boys sooner or later, only time will tell and you have lots of it
so stop stressing about your genitals and concentrate on school or you won't
have a home to masturbate in once you leave school.
Ps. If your parents haven’t noticed that you are masturbating in the shower,
toilet and in bed, I sincerely doubt the will notice you having an orgasm.
Perhaps part of the reason you are giving yourself so much attention, is
because you are yearning for some unconditional love from them. Speak up;
 tell them you need a hug.



Q.
  I've been dating my boyfriend for five months now. It’s actually no longer
dating but a serious relationship. We have talked a lot about our relationship
and he told me that he can see a future with me, which I am very happy about
because he is an amazing guy and I really like him. So here is the
problem, we went drinking the other night and he told
me that he doesn’t like my bag because its ugly. I didn’t get offend after all he
is my boyfriend I want him to be honest. But he also told me that he had spoiled
his exes in the past. He told me he got one a Gucci bag and a lot of
other expensive things. He also said that he spoiled them all but me. I don’t
know how I should take this. How should I take this?? I'm not a materialistic
girl but I feel that it’s so unfair because I have done a lot more for him in
these 5 months than his exes ever could. he's the one with the well paid job
but I’ve been the one spoiling him and he claims that he can see a future with
me and didn’t with his exes yet he spoiled them and here he is telling me that my
stuff is ugly but hasn’t got me anything like he had for his exes. How should I
go about dealing with this? I'm hurt and frustrated. please help thanks.
Whipping Post Pauline


A.
A lot of men start out spoiling their girlfriends, and unfortunately, each time
they get hurt and/or burned, the toughen up, become harder, more jaded, but that
is how they become a man, one that can focus on his career and then his girlfriend,
not the other way around. Face it, if a man is completed besotted with his lady, he
is soft and may find it hard to concentrate on his work, which in counterproductive
if he wants to take care of his lady and their future children. It's hard for men in
that sense; they want to be kind, but have to protect themselves from being turned
into a powerless wad of jelly. A good man concentrates on work, but is still kind and
attentive to his lady. Some lose balance and decide "I am never going to be that
generous and sweet again; the next girl will suffer and know who the boss is!” This
is indeed unfair to the next girlfriend, who is; in this case you with the ugly cheap bag.
You have to let him know it is ignorant to tell you about spoiling his ex's and it's like
throwing pearls at swine, bragging about the expensive gifts while degrading your
accessories (only gay men even notice a fucking hand bag!).
Write him a note and say the only time you want him to mention bags is when he is
buying you one or putting his “bags” on your face. Just because you are into this man,
 doesn't mean you have to put up with that arrogant behavior. He was obviously hurt by
 one of these Gucci loving bitches and is taking it out on you. Mention that you too
deserve to be spoiled, and it doesn't
have to be with material items either. If he won't spoil you, make yourself available
for the one who will. 

Q
I’m the mother of 2 young women. I never tell them when
or with whom to have sex, simply because I know I can't control this, and they will
do what they want or need to do. I want them to be good people who enjoy sex
and every other part of their lives. I have always been open with them when they have asked
any questions about sex and relationships. So, between me, their friends, the pop
culture and the internet, I know they have any info they need about sex and relationships
-short of the hindsight gained by good and bad experiences of their own. I am most fearful
though that my opinion about something going on in the life of my 20 year old, is the wrong
one for a mother to have. Nonetheless, it is my opinion.

She is in love with a 44 year old married man.
They would probably be a fine couple. I have told her that it might be the best thing
to back off because she will ultimately not be able to feel good about being a wedge between
two married people. This woman (his wife) could be her, could be me, could be her friend.
And, would it ever be possible for her to be trusting of a person who has cheated on a wife
or someone he has made a commitment to?

I can't say that she's making a wrong decision, because I am not my daughter.
She was born with the maturity of a 21 year old, and this man (I've not ever met him.)
is a youthful 44 year old with the spirit of a 21 year old. He is not a player.
I've checked him out without his knowing so.

Are my Morals out of whack? Am I being too
"Non-judgmental”? I’ve told her all of the drawbacks of this situation but
I want to support her and I know of others enjoying age gap relationships, like Celine Dion,
Michael Douglas, Nicolas Cage, etc.

I have been married for 25 years and there isn’t any divorce in either of
our family histories. I am pretty sure that there has been cheating whether hidden or
accepted in those histories. I don't like cheating. It makes me sad just to hear of it.
Then there is Karma and another man or woman with a potentially shattered life.
Why am I not preaching to my daughter about "morals"? Tell me please, I can take it.
Momma Karma

A.
Young girls love to see how much power their pussy has: Could it lure another man away
from another woman? Could it break up a marriage? Can I make boys buy me things with it?
It's a big power thrill and an incredible aphrodisiac.
Flirting with and/or fucking a married person is like playing with fire. There are enough single
people around to seduce. The unhappily married person should have the balls to end their marriage
before starting another relationship on the side. I am against marriage in the first place; just
the pressure of being so tied down makes most want to stray at one point or another, so why fucking
pretend? Sure, being married makes it nice for the kids at school and gives people a tax break,
but it's an old fashioned tradition that ends in divorce more that 50% of the time.
If he did leave his wife for her, she would have a new title: "home wrecker" and most
of the time, when a man leaves his wife for his mistress, the mistress gets bored, as the challenge
is gone. Buy a copy of the book called 'The Rules for your daughter and leave it in her room.
It's not the greatest advice, certainly not as modern as mine but it will show her that she is in fact,
getting the short end of the stick. Don't be a friend; be a parent and tell her you don't approve.
Karma will prove to her that it's not a good idea to touch other women's men, as what goes around,
will in fact, come around.

Q.
Tell me why, why, why every single website that involves sex winds up (quickly)
with the guy getting a blow job?  I am straight as an arrow, but since I love
having my tits sucked long and hard, sometimes I would like to watch before my
boyfriend comes over to get me started.  I look for sites with strictly tit
sucking and find virtually nothing.  It says, "watch the blonde get her tits
sucked just before she goes down on the guys cock"?  Give me a break.  How about
something to get the girls going"?  Maybe I should write a sex story about it. 
I did that for a friend of mine and he said every time he reads that e-mail
again, he gets off.  It almost all of it is about having my tits hanging in his
face and him working them over.  Must work for some guys too!  Thanks.  Your
column is great!

Tittie Talia

A.
That's an easy question to answer. Most porn is made by men for men, so
tit sucking is just a tiny side order. They make it obvious what really
turns them on, marathon blow jobs, DP and all those sticky cum shots.
Perhaps this is a challenge for you, start producing some porn that will
turn women on and we can finally abolish that annoying belief that using
the tip of your tongue to flick the clit for a few seconds actually does
anything for us. Why not film your boyfriend grabbing, licking and sucking
your jugs for a good half hour and next time you want to rub one out,
you can just watch your personalized video and wank.

Video I made today (May 4th 2008) in Central Park:

"Hello Friends,

As you may or may not be aware, we here in "Zappaland" are busily preparing for
another exciting Zappa Plays Zappa tour filled with new material as well as some
old favorites. Before we hit the road again we will be releasing the Zappa Plays
Zappa DVD from the 06 inaugural tour. The DVD is available at last in stores
now and will be available as a 2 disc set and as a special fan pack that
includes both DVD discs plus audio (3) CDs of the same material. A single
compilation audio CD will also be available separately. It’s in stores now!

Another exciting development is the fact that public television affiliates will
be airing a special One Hour show from the ZPZ DVD as one of their highly
acclaimed pledge shows in dozens of markets across the US. The first market to
take the leap will be Southern California. On May 3rd I will be going to San
Diego to premiere the DVD on KPBS. Ironically, back in the mid 70’s Frank
created a program for television at the KCET studios in Los Angeles with the
goal of a public television broadcast but unfortunately programmers found
reasons not to air the show at that time.

All these years later, audiences will catch a glimpse of various eras of my
father’s music played by ZPZ with the utmost respect. To get this material on
the airwaves is a small but very important victory for all fans of Frank’s
music. Hopefully one day Frank’s actual KCET show will be aired on public
television as he designed it.

As always, ZPZ’s goal is to capture the attention of a new audience and inspire
them to discover the intricate musical landscape of Frank’s vast catalog of
albums for themselves.

As the public television broadcast is a pledge show, viewer support is highly
encouraged and this is no exception. There are different pledge levels
beginning with the new single CD from the ZPZ show, the ZPZ DVD (2 discs), a
special fan pack that includes the DVD as well as the entire program on CD (5
discs total) and an exciting opportunity to pledge your best support of your
local public station in exchange for the deluxe version that includes
Trance-Fusion (FZ’s final Guitar Recording) as well as "One Shot Deal", the
Exciting and New (and Official 83) Frank Zappa release available on CD here for
the first time anywhere - through the local public television pledge programs’
call-in number. (It will also become available on the ZPZ Tour de Frank and
eventually online at Barfko-Swill.)

I’m grateful for the opportunity to present Frank’s music to a wider audience. I
hope that all you within range of a TV (in San Diego this week ) will
participate in the program by donating what you can to your local public
televsion stations (while they last!!!) Please call in. The response from this
premiere will likely dictate how many other affiliates decide to air the show.

Your help is much appreciated. I look forward to talking with some of you on the
phone during the broadcast and I especially look forward to seeing you at the
concerts this year.

Regards, Dweezil Zappa"

Normally on the 1 of May Berlin is chaotic and a tad dangerous... I brought my camera out just in case I came across such action on my daily strut through the park across from my flat in Berlin. This is the video material I gathered on the 1st of May.. (above)

x 

"May 1 is a bubbling sea of discontent. The urban masses are a flurry with protest, parade, and party. Though in recent years a series of more benign events have taken some of the anger out of the day's mood, May Day is traditionally when a motley collection of left and radical groups — communist, socialist, revolutionary, and anarchist — get out for good old Berlin-style demonstrations. In addition to the primary evil, crappy work conditions and compensation, participants protest any and all things negative: racism, sexism, environmental damage, and globalization/capitalism. Other causes are uniquely Berlin: for instance there was last year's march for the release of a jailed Red Army Faction terrorist, a concern that harkens back to West Berlin as the breeding ground for terrorist groups in the late-1960s and 1970s).

There are eleven demonstrations planned so far this year. On April 1 alone, exactly one month before the Tag der Arbeit, three revolutionary groups registered their May Day protests with the city's police. So, as in years prior, the Revolutionäre 1 Mai Demonstration will begin at 1 p.m. in Kreuzberg (pictured above). Then two other rallies will also hit the streets: Mayday beginning at 2 p.m. and Gegen Kapital und Krieg (literally 'Against Capital and War') at 5 p.m. Once you tire of watching these spectacles, you can wander MyFest, the neighborhood's fantastic street festival. Just be sure to batten down the hatches come nightfall."  From Gridskipper.com 

I am so mad busy, I have to build this massive Italy blogs bit by bit. The videos take the most time, so here is the Florence video.. will upload pics and text later. I fly to NYC in a couple days, so the mad rush has begun. I will be back in Berlin, however, early June, for KISS!! They are so fun and I LOVE Gene's "family jewels" show which I get from iTunes. Sounds odd, but I behave a lot like Gene and share a lot of the same views he has. Workoholic who frowns upon the idea of Marriage. Go Gene! Anyhow, here's the vid..

 The owner of the La Residenza del Proconsolo hotel asked to pose with me. He is as sweet as his hotel. AMAZING service and gorgeous rooms. 

Just want to say that Americans should understand that their gas prices are indeed high, but it has always been high here in Europe. In Berlin a gallon of gas cost $8.44 as of today.

Leaving Rome in one hour, heading to Florence (haven't been there since 1991!). I have LOADS more pictures, videos and stories to share, but my hotel hardly has internet (only weak wireless in the lobby) and I'm mad busy, so I will periodically update the blog..

Ciao

Dr. Dot x

Round 1 of my Rome videos ^

 Poor thing is being used to lure spare change ^ (she is super sweet so you can't resist) 

The "Spanish Steps" ^ which are actually French

;

 Superman showed me around Rome one day.. (long story which I will finish when I get time)

;

Rome part 2 ^

(still not done with this blog... will just keep adding shit on) 

It hit newsstands two days ago, yet I can't find one.. my friends who are looking for a copy in the city say it's too dirty for normal magazine shops yet not dirty enough for dirty magazine shops..lol.. I am proud to have my column called "Calling Dr. Dot" (a nod to the Kiss song Calling Dr. Love) in Penthouse Forum. They do it the right way. Introducing their new columnist with a cover story and all   yay!  I know some will snicker and make comments like "that is so unethical to be a massage therapist AND *gasp* write about sex" oh fucking well. Your little secrets come out while you are at the hairdresser,  and your BIG secrets come out during a massage. I got good at giving love advice over the years, due to all of my experiences and hearing other peoples experiences (hell, watching my Mother while growing up taught me enough to be a qualified sex therapist lol). 

Anyhow, I am super proud to have my column in Penthouse Forum. Hope you pick up a copy and let me know what you think.. here is the cover so you can find it

x

I know it's ass backwards, but this is the first part of the video material I filmed while recently in Monte Carlo and France. Will sew it all together nicely asap.

x 

WASHINGTON, DC–The indigenous North American hippie population has expanded to the point that its teeming herds are endangering the planet's fragile freakosystem, warned a Department of the Interior report released Monday.

 

Earth In Crisis: An Onion Special Report

According to the report, over the past 20 years, the wide-ranging, largely migratory hippies have more than tripled in population, insidiously infiltrating nearly every other U.S. subculture while venturing far beyond their natural Vermont and Colorado habitats.

"Due to the species' lack of predators, willingness to live almost anywhere and rabbit-like breeding habits, the hippie has become the most prevalent feature on the American countercultural landscape," Secretary of the Interior Bruce Babbitt said. "If we do not soon find a way to thin their herds, they will overwhelm every other subculture on the continent, potentially leading to freakological disaster on a mass global scale."

 

A herd of hippies grazes in a field near Burlington, VT.

Experts say the hippie-related environmental damage has largely been the result of their sheer numbers. Long regarded as a mere nuisance species, the hippies have grown over the past 10 years into one of the most populous in North America, numbering close to 20 million. Further, because of the hippie herds' normal daily cycle of waking, bongo-playing and large-scale grass consumption, followed by a brief period of torpor and then aggressive nutritive replenishment, their freakological impact is enormous.

"Each summer, the hippie herds migrate north to Boulder, wiping out 80 to 90 percent of the hummus supply of the regions through which they pass," National Park Service director Roger Kennedy said. "In certain parts of Colorado, by mid-August, the patchouli reservoirs are entirely drained."

The burgeoning herds–identifiable by their dreadlocked hair, hemp jewelry and distinctive tie-dyed markings–have greatly affected the quality of life of people living in these areas of high hippie concentration.

"They're everywhere," said Linda Hewson of Albany, NY. "Last night, when I went to take out the trash, I found one of them foraging through my garbage cans for Dead bootlegs. I shooed it away, but a bunch more came by later scavenging for discarded twirling sticks."

"My property is overrun with them," said Vallejo, CA, resident Patrick Davis, who said he is considering moving if the problem gets worse. "They even set up a bead-vending stand in my backyard."

First introduced into the cultural landscape in the early 1960s, the hippie, or homo habilis VWbus, was initially applauded by freakologists, who believed they would be beneficial in curbing the growth of the then-ubiquitous Establishment Type. When the crisis passed in the early 1970s, the hippie population was reduced to a fraction of its former size, creating room in the American freakosystem for numerous other subcultures, including punks, new-wavers and goths. Social developments of recent years, however, have caused the hippies' numbers to balloon once more.

 

A 1985 photo of an Olympia, WA, meadow sparsely populated with hippies. By 1996, the meadow was destroyed, its topsoil stripped clean by migratory hippie herds numbering in the thousands.

"For some time, it was believed that the extinction of Jerry Garcia and the dispersal of The Grateful Dead would have a suppressive effect on the size of the hippie population," Kennedy said. "Surprisingly, though, exactly the opposite has happened: The herds have grown, diversifying and spreading out. In the past, if the Dead were playing in Chicago, the entire hippie species would be singularly concentrated there. But today, you could have a herd of hippies at Red Rocks to see Phish while, at the very same moment, an equally large herd is massing in Ann Arbor for a Widespread Panic show."

Another reason for the hippie explosion, environmentalists say, lies in the differences between the current crop and the more mature, "old-growth" hippies of the 1960s. While old-growth hippies were a gentle species that was considered a mild annoyance at worst, the new breed, they say, is a hardier, more insidious creature which seems to thrive in virtually any environment.
"We're seeing these young hippies in the malls, in fraternities, on Madison Avenue–all kinds of places where hippies were once considered non-indigenous," said Alfred Meijer of the Nature Conservancy. "Years of cross-breeding and exposure to television have produced a hybridized, consumer-culture-bred hippie that can adapt to literally any environment, countercultural or mainstream. And unlike the old-growth hippies, which at least were anti-materialistic, the new ones are voracious consumers, swiftly depleting their habitat of all resources and purchasable goods."

Though most experts agree that the vast herds must be thinned, they are divided on how to go about it. Some are calling for the hippies to be spayed and neutered and then placed in designated preserve areas, where they would be free to roam peacefully and play hacky-sack. Others suggest more extreme measures, advocating the use of large, headshop-shaped traps to lure the hippies. Once inside the traps, the hippies would be poisoned with super-adhesive, cyanide-laced Guatemalan blankets and sweaters.

Just landed back in Berlin (freezing, raining, dark, but home sweet home (second home sweet home :)

I have tons of pictures and stories to share but need some sleep, which may prove difficult since Pooh bear is in my  SUITCASE in Munich

Due to a flight delay, my bag is still in Munich but I know the trust worth Germans at Lufthansa will deliver it tomorrow, I just can't sleep without Pooh. Lame, I know. sigh.  Jasmine and I had an exciting time in Rome and Florence and I am looking forward to telling you about it...

x 

Dr. Dot traf Eva Longoria zur Massage Kategorie: Models, Menschen Von: JC Sierks Verführerische Momente an der Côte d'Azur

Echte Geniesserin: Eva Longoria Anfang der Woche präsentierte Promi-Masseurin Dr. Dot an der Côte d'Azur Eva Longoria, dem neuen Gesicht der Marke Magnum, ihre speziell entwickelte „Hot Chocolate Massage“. Als erklärte Liebhaberin von Genuss und Entspannung war Eva Longoria von der sinnlichen und wohltuenden Schokoladenmassage begeistert. Zur Präsentation der neuen Magnum Eisvariationen reiste „Desperate Housewives"-Star Eva Longoria am Montag in das Genussland Frankreich. Dort stellte sie nicht nur das verführerische Magnum Temptation vor, sondern traf auch auf die international renommierte Masseurin Dot Stein - besser bekannt als „Dr. Dot". Diese hatte eigens für die bekennende Wellness- und Schokoladenliebhaberin Eva Longoria eine besondere Schokoladenmassage entwickelt: Die „Magnum Hot Chocolate Massage". Inspiriert von den Vorlieben und der Sinnlichkeit Longorias hat die Wohlfühlspezialistin Dr. Dot die anregende Wirkung von Schokolade als Grundlage für diese exklusive Massage entdeckt. Der angenehme Duft sorgt für sinnliche Verwöhnmomente und die euphorisierende Wirkung des Kakaos tut der Seele gut. Die Haut wird seidig weich, und nach der Massage bleibt ein leichter, angenehmer Schokoladenduft zurück. Eva Longoria war begeistert. „Toll! Das möchte ich auch gern mal probieren!" Denn: Das neue Magnum Gesicht sucht nach stressigen Tagen ihren Ausgleich gern in besonderen Verwöhnmomenten. Der Hollywood-Star steht wohl wie keine andere dafür, das Leben zu genießen und sich von dessen kleinen Versuchungen verführen zu lassen. Sei es von schokoladigem Eisgenuss à la Magnum oder einer sinnlichen Massage. „Es ist enorm wichtig, im Leben die Balance zwischen Disziplin und Verführung zu finden. Man braucht von beidem etwas", erklärt die Schauspielerin.

Greetings from Rome. This place is gorgeous but loud. Making lots of videos to share with you. Yesterday I was in Cannes, will explain in more detail when I get back to Berlin. Magnum Ice Cream asked me to develop a Hot Chocolate Massage for Eva Longoria my favorite Desperate Housewife (I am just assuming you know the show).

Anyways, Eva has said many times that she is a "Spa junkie" and also LOVES Magnum Chocolate Ice Cream (hopefully it will soon be available in North America too). SOooo, in order to show her a really good time and to show her how we can take both of her vices and turn them into one amazing experience, Magnum and I have been working very closely together to make that happen just for her.

Magnum taste 10 times better than anything Haggen Daas has to offer, so you can just imagine how yummy it is. Chocolate is not only yummy, it makes you happy and I feel you shouldn't put anything on  your skin you aren't willing to eat, plus the warm feeling of thick chocolate all over your body is pure bliss.

Here are a few of the pictures taken yesterday. I am editing the videos (see first one below) as well as awaiting more pictures, but this is all I have for now; this and the great memories of one of the best days I've had in a long time. EVA ROCKS!!!!!!!

Talk to you later

Ciao

x 

Demonstrating the Magnum Hot Chocolate Massage for Eva ^

Eva has a closer look (and wiff) of how amazing the Chocolate smells 

"Let me tell you one great thing about America, that everbody in Europe could be jealous of. For the land mass that we have Vs. the land mass of the European part of the world, you have more hatred per square foot, from country to country, than exists anywhere in the United States. The idea of the ethnic pride, and the grudges that go back thousands of years, that will keep this part of the world a disaster area for centuries yet to come, is something that we will not experience in the States. And I'm happy to be from there, rather than from here(Europe), because over here(again, Europe) you have to choose. You get to be English, or you get to be French, or Polish, or whatever it is, but you,ya know, you have to say, "We're the best," and you live your life thinking that you're the best, and the guy next door is a poot-head, and you have to conduct your business that way, and its the business of hate.

There's no cooperation, and there's no standardization, and you can insulate yourself and think that what you're doing in your country is really terrific, but it's not. Ultimately, it Bites. And in the Unites States, weird as it is, there is always the possibility that something good could happen all the way across the country, there is a national feeling there among a large number of people. Even though the guy from Vermont might have totally different tastes than, politics and everything else, from the guy in Texas, but they are still Americans, and they're happy to be that way. You don't hear people saying, "I am a European and proud to be that way." You hear them say, "I'm French, and the rest of you guys go die."-Frank Zappa (Music Box, 1984)

Tell Your Senators to Put Polar Bears First

Help us stop Big Oil from drilling in Alaska's prime polar bear habitat -- until the Bush Administration protects these imperiled bears and their critical habitat under the Endangered Species Act.

Click  HERE to help 

Melissa and I down in Douglasville Georgia ^

"Mel" as everyone calls her and I get along like two peas in a pod. She is my cousin. My Dad, who adopted me at age one, Chester, has two sisters, Nancy and Caron and although we don't share the same blood, they have been my Aunts as far back as I can remember. Caron has two kids, JC and Melissa. Mel is a little fire cracker and I can see a lot of myself in her even though we are not blood related. She has a wild heart and is very passionate about life. She is a clever little cutie who will hopefully go really far and not take any shit from anyone. LOVE YOU MEL!

;It's amazing all the things you see in the suburbs^

My Dad and Mom separated when I was 11 and he then married a woman named Allyson when I was 14. Allyson, my step-mom, had it hard when she joined our family as I was only 4 years younger than her and she had to take on 3 rowdy kids when she married my Dad. Me, my 7 year younger sister, Michele and 9 year younger brother, Chester (Chet the 4th). Then a year later, they had their own child, Zack. Zack is my step brother and we have always gotten along. Zack recently had his own child, above, also named Zack ^

I call him mini-zack. He is a cutie and gets spoiled rotten as you can imagine. He is like a photo-copy of his father. They look exactly alike. 

 The guy with the sun glasses is my brother Chester. We shared the same Mom but different Dad's (I never met my biological father, an Italian Stallion who was too cool to stick around). Chet married Dana, the woman in the picture with him, and they have a child together (not pictured here) named Chester the 5th! The little girl in the picture is Dana's daughter she had with another man (long story). 

Dana is cool as fuck. I wish I had a picture of Chet the 5th, but for some reason I didn't take that many pictures down there, I was just chillin' like Bob Dylan. Plus, I am always unsure about posting pics and info about relatives on the net as some like it, some hate it etc.. So I feel restricted.  

That is Marcel ^, my sister Michele's second son. He is a very serious child, don't remember seeing him smile much but he was pretty much glued to Jasmine's lap the whole time. He loved his cousin Jasmine. Michele has an older son, Danielle, who hangs out non-stop with Chet the 5th, that's probably why I haven't any pics of them, they run around like wild fire the whole time. The only time I saw them hold still was when I hooked up the karaoke machine. They loved it and it was pretty difficult to get the microphones out of their hands. They sang Bon Jovi, the Beatles, Led Zepp, etc.. AND Pat Benetar too. HILARIOUS!

The other pic is of Melissa and Mini-Zack. The family is tight down there. I wish I could stand living there, but I can't. I tried for a few months when I graduated high school, in between Grateful Dead tours and I went Banana's. Not enough Rock and Roll down South. UGH! Also, they are far behind in many things, like no one recycles there (unless you live in DOWN TOWN Atlanta). No one cares about eating healthy. I was cooking some tofu and the family was looking at me like I had two heads. The kids had never seen or heard of it before. They all smoke cigarettes, no one recycles or exercises  or like I said, cares about healthy eating. I prefer the NYC pace, where everyone works out, eats healthy and recycles. I need that.

It's not like my family refuses to recycle, it's just not an option in the suburbs in Georgia (and probably most of the states in the USA unless you are in a major city). What the fuck is taking so long people? RECYCLE please. Gotta take care of this planet dammit. 

 The whole family down in Georgia posed on Christmas for a group picture, all wearing these fake teeth I have in my mouth above. The picture is hilarious but it's a private thing, so just imagine a massive group of people, young and old, all smiling with these teeth in their mouth. They are a humorous bunch; love to have a good time, that is for sure.

 The green Jets hat above was given to me in 1988 by Frank Zappa backstage in Long Island. I am sure someone gave it to him, he wore it a while, then just gave it to me. I had it in my closet in Georgia for years then I finally gave it to my aunt Caron as I really hate hanging onto things. She gave it to her husband (who is now her ex) Jim. Jim is still very close to the family and is there all the time. Jim is Melissa's father (and JC's too). Jim brought the dam hat over to my Dad's for a photo-shoot. Hence the above pics. The hat is alive and well. Thanks Jim ;)

  < Jim, with "the" hat.

This picture is from 2000, taken backstage at an Eminem show in Hartford, CT. What the hell is it doing here you say? The girl in the middle is my sister, Michele. As I said, she is 7 years younger than I am and we shared the same Mom (Mom died in 1998 ) . She and Chet the 4th are from my Dad, who raised me and my Mom. Freakin' complicated I know. Anyways, I don't have many pics of Michele and didn't even get a new one of her during my last trip to Georgia, so I am posting this one. I was on part of that Eminem tour, doing massages and when he played in Hartford, my sister begged me to bring her backstage. Em and co were so nice to me and allowed it. She only got to meet Em for like 60 seconds, but this is the pic from that dream moment. Proof, the black dude on the right, was Em's right had man for years. Proof sadly died in 2006 from a gun shot wound. Anyways, my sister was in 7th heaven meeting them. Michele and Chet look like my Mom and I look more like my Italian father (seen pics of him). 

Magenta ^ 

Ok, back in NYC, some friends of mine and I went to see the Rocky Horror Picture show at the Chelsea cinema. They act out the film, as the film plays every Friday night. I played Janet when I was in the 9th and 19th grade in Virgina Beach, Virginia. It was a fight with my Dad and Step mom to get out of the house so late each weekend, but I prevailed and had a blast. 

The cast I worked with had a fairy decent looking Frankenfurter, which makes things easier. This NYC cast, however, is apparently not choosy when it comes to casting. I swear to GOD I am not being catty when I tell you their Janet was as useless as a wet paper bag. She was HUGE and not even worth photographing and she showed NO emotion what so ever when delivering her lines, which usually came out much too late. Their Riff-Raff, Columbia and Magenta were out of this world good. Columbia being the best of the whole lot. Their Frankenfurter was in my eyes, too big and too gay. I mean, if you are too gay to even portray Frankenfurter, you need to tone it down a notch. 

I went with my buddy Danny and Jill and some other lesbian fag hag he dragged out who hated me when I wasn't accepting her sexual advances. Sorry, I have been there, but I prefer cock. Plus, she wasn't my type.  

Riff-Raff and Magenta time warping it ^

Columbia was the fucking BOMB ^  LOVED HER!

Columbia again ^ and my English friend, Jill ^ and I. Jill lives half the time in London and the other half in NYC. We get along perfectly. 

Jill and I enjoy going to LIT on Sunday nights in NYC for some karaoke. They have the BEST fucking sound in NYC. Huge song list too, only thing I don't like (there's always something) is that people are still allowed to smoke there. I guess that's why it's called "LIT". Another annoying part is that tattooed guy above ^  

He is there every time I go there (the MC told me he hasn't missed a Sunday night since 5 years). He is always high, which isn't the problem, thing is, he can't STAND it when someone else, besides him, is on stage. He is extremely LOUD when anyone else sings. He will stand right in front of you and talk to anyone who will listen (or pretend to listen) at the top of his lungs, that is, if he isn't trying to snag the mic out of your hand and sing with you.  He simply can not bear it if all eyes and ears are not on him constantly. I really want to make a documentary about karaoke as each place I have visited (London, Manchester, NYC, Berlin, LA well, all over the place)  always has some sort of weirdos fighting over the mic and stage time. It's so exciting to me to see all of this. It's even funnier than a Ben Stiller flick. 

Remember the movie "Cable Guy" how Jim Carey invited all of his customers to a karaoke party? It's pretty much like that but louder. I love the drama, and of course I love to sing. But this tattooed punk has the worst breath you can imagine. Like compost heap mixed with a side of rotting gums. He is always asking me to get high and I tell him, as I try and run away, "NO THANKS!". Oh man, the pro's and con's of karaoke. You want great sound, you have to put up with HIM and smokers. You seriously can't win. 

Anyways, the picture on the right is of Jill belting out "rock and roll" by Led Zeppelin. Her favorite group is Led Zepp, and I love that.  

 Oh, another thing about Lit (which is on 2nd ave, lower east side) is that it's ALWAYS filled with colorful strangers. These two chicks were basically parked in front of the stage, making out wildly, I mean, they were the main attraction that night, much to dismay of  the ego-maniac bad breathed punk. 

 Another friend of mine ^ John was there at Lit, celebrating his birthday. He has the "I hate birthdays" look on his face and who could blame him. The chick on the right simply had a magnificent ass, so I had to snap her pic.

I will probably get my face ripped off when Jasmine sees this picture ^. Not because she is hugging my best friend Jonesy, but because she banned me from posting pics of her. But I can not help myself. I mean, I have a few cute pics of her from Christmas and Georgia and from our night out to see the Beatles cover band The Fab Faux, but this one can't be left on my Mac. I have to share it. Two of my favorite people, both of whom I would stick my hand in fire for, together in one shot. So cute. It's worth the wrath that is sure to come my way. ;)

 MAX, from Berlin, aka Charlie Crawford and the singer of Empty Trash; runner up in German's version of American Idol (Deutschland Sucht ein Super star) came to NYC for a week of fun. No, he didn't stay with me! He is only 19 so get those naughty thoughts out of your mind. Anyways, I showed Max around a bit, as did Jasmine. He is a big star in Germany and can sing his ASS off. I wrote about him already in my Thanksgiving day blog. Click HERE to see it. 

 Eric Danville ^, managing Editor, Penthouse Forum/ Girls of Penthouse and friend of mine, was sadly mugged the night we were initially supposed to meet to sign my contract. "It happens" he said. Luckily only his arm was hurt, he could have been killed. Anyways, a week later we met at a bar called "2a" because it's on the corner 2nd street and avenue A. It's a really popular hang out for artist and people in the entertainment biz. The wine is as bad as the service BUT it is still fun. The pics above are of Eric and his boo-boo arm and me signing my contract, with Penthouse Forum. My sex column "Calling Dr. Dot" will premier in the magazine's May issue (it hit's news stands on April 14th though).  I am so happy and grateful, I won't let them down. Hell, I never let the NY Press down either, my columns were always early and entertaining, they are just unorganized and change editors as often as Lindsay Lohan does boyfriends.  Well, you know the saying, one door closes and another one opens. I was sad when the NY Press dropped my column (along with many other columns at the same time) but now I am glad it happened as writing for Penthouse Forum is way better in my eyes. 

The night I met Eric at 2a to sign my contract, the service was great. But when Tom Clark ^ isn't bar tending/working, you can fucking forget it. The other bar tenders are too busy making love to their crack-berries to notice you are drying of thirst. Meow.
Anyways, I was there before Eric. Never been in 2a before. I sat at the bar, alone, asked for a wine list. The bar tender shows me a bottle of white and a bottle of red (pretty sure they had screw on tops) and said, "here is the wine list, red or white?". I thought, what a cheeky bastard this guy is. lol. He gives me my wine and then asks "are you Dr. Dot?" 

My jaw dropped. Eh? "yes, why? How did you know that? Did Eric tell you I was meeting him here?". He says "Eric who?" then explains he recognizes me from myspace. EH? Still puzzled. I was like "wtf?". He then explains that he and I have been pen pals for almost 2 years, writing on myspace, mostly about music and my desire/obsession for Karl Geary.  Karl frequents the 2a fairly often. Tom told me on myspace 2 years ago that he sees Karl rather often "at the bar he works at" and so we started chatting about him and music etc.. anyways, to me, people look different on myspace then they do in person. Especially if you aren't looking for them. I wouldn't have put two and two together in a million years. lol. Anyhow, I felt like a dumb ass that he recognized me but I didn't him until he refreshed my memory. Guess I need to buy a few more mega bites of memory for my head. 

Behind the bar ^ ...makes me laugh every time I read it.

 I went into some rock and roll shop in Greenwich Village and bought a SHIT LOAD of rock and roll t-shirts and all of the guys working there are from Mexico and all had really long hair and were listening to Black Metal, which apparently is "much harder than Death Metal". In fact, they tell me Death metal is just for pussies. Black Metal is the most evil music around. They have it playing really loud and as you shop for rock and roll memorabilia, you think to yourself "mmmm, so if I went to hell and turned on the radio, this is what would be playing". 

Above ^ Freaky (on the right) and his female companion wearing their lighted baseball hats. I have known Freaky since 1991. He is an artist, jack of all trades and really REALLY fun to watch when he sings karaoke. The words to describe him properly fail me. He calls himself Freaky, so you can just imagine I guess.